I still cringe whenever it dawns on me that my newly revamped site has a blog section dedicated to life updates. But I think it can’t be avoided, especially now, when I am doing my best to rekindle my love for blogging.
I started blogging rather early. I was in my fourth year in high school when I first learned about Blogspot and began oversharing about my life. In 2008, I transitioned to using WordPress and started publishing blog posts about university life and beyond on a regular basis.
Everything about it was so cringe-worthy, but I admit that it was blogging that led me to creative writing, particularly my chosen genre — creative nonfiction. It gave me a platform where I could hone my writing skills and explore other applications of writing, including those that could help pay the bills. And for that, I am thankful.
However, as years went by, I somehow lost my passion for writing personal posts. I also conditioned myself to stop oversharing, thinking no one would care about what I’d been up to, anyway. Though some of my points were valid, I think the whole thing has since affected my writing more than I can imagine.
Because of my fixation on the thought that I should avoid navel-gazing, I have become so good at doubting my stories. It’s also become a lot harder for me to open up about and dissect my experiences even in my creative nonfiction pieces.
It is perhaps part of the reason why during a creative writing workshop I attended in 2019, I was told that I seemed to be holding back instead of simply disclosing what I needed to talk about in my works.
I also think my writing has somehow lost sincerity. Even in my most “vulnerable” pieces in the last few years, there appears to be a hidden agenda besides simply telling stories and highlighting the universal truth in them.
It’s like I’ve become so conscious of what others may think upon reading my works that instead of trying to be as sincere as possible, I usually resort to using fancy writing techniques to keep things from being too personal and even maintain a wall between me and the reader without them noticing.
It has been so tiring. When people talk to me, they usually express how interesting I am as a person and how intriguing my life is. I’ve also been praised for my insights about things, and many friends believe such ideas and convictions give me an edge as a writer. Some even say I should already start writing my own book through which I could share my amazing stories and thoughts with the rest of the world. Unfortunately, I am not at that point yet. It’s a long way to go before I reach that level, and that’s what I am trying to change now.
I am doing it by falling in love with blogging all over again and relearning to trust my stories. I hope that this way, I can become more comfortable speaking my truth and pouring my heart into works that really seek to move readers instead of simply showing that I can write.